I often have wondered if we all have THAT friend. You know the one. You aren't sure why you're friends, other than you have been in each other's lives for so long you don't really examine it too closely. Of course, there are those times where you have to look a little bit closer because they are acting like a homicidal lunatic.
Purely hypothetical example of such friend. I had been friends with this person since, let's say, the 10th grade. It's like a marriage, some years are good and some are bad, though when bad years start to outweigh the good years, it's time to jump ship.
Anyhoo, this hypothetical, not real friend, has a lot issues with her hypothetical boyfriend. (and let's face it, every boyfriend she has ever had) They fight quite a bit...physically and verbally. On one said occasion, I happened to be there for a night of comforting my friend because she and her boyfriend had broken up. Mind you, it was the fiftieth time they had broken up since they first began dating four years previous to this evening.
(this is a very detailed and fake example, I want to make it sound real, not that it is real. I swear)
At some point her boyfriend returns to the house, insanely drunk, as is she. See, I worked a part time job at that time, so by the time I got to her place, I was very much behind in the drinking game. Sometimes you can be so behind in the drinking game that you have no interest in even playing because the drunk people are not making it look at all appealing. And on this particular evening, it did not look appealing, in the least.
The fighting continued instantly. I worried that her son was going to wake up to the yelling and slamming of doors. I was worried that the neighbors would be calling the police. I can't imagine it would be the first time that the police came to their house for disrupting the peace and a domestic. I was worried about getting a DUI if I left the house to escape the fight, so I was stuck.
I tried to talk them both down and get the fighting to stop, and then realized I shouldn't get in the middle of it. When it appeared that they fighting had dissipated and they were potentially making up, I went upstairs to go to bed on the couch.
It wasn't long before I heard continued yelling and this time it was coming up the stairs. Awkward. As I lay there facing the stairs, I see my "friend" at the top of the landing, but her boyfriend is covered by a wall. (Probably one or two steps down from her) I then start to see bodies in motion and to my horror I watch my friend very deliberately shove her boyfriend down a flight of stairs and very audibly I hear him tumble.
I immediately close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I feared that as a witness I'm a loose end and I could end up at the bottom of the stairs as well, or worse. Roughly thirty seconds later, I hear him speak and I was relieved and impressed. I pictured a crumpled body at the bottom of the stairs, with his chin in chest as I hear him shout up all sort of obscenities at her, including see you next Tuesday. (get it?) But the bright side, he seemed okay -ish.
The long night drew to an end and somewhere around five in the morning I departed. I couldn't be there anymore. I can't remember if she messaged me or if I messaged her first, but she told me how bad she felt because he was hurting from the fall. I was a little surprised that she felt bad at all, but I told her how I felt. Worried that I would be next and how I pretended to be asleep. Immediately I was told I was mean for saying such a thing. And how it was no big deal. That she and her boyfriend laughed about it that afternoon when they had sobered up. WTF?
Well then you two are made for each other if you think attempted homicide is funny.
Again, a completely fictional story and a person I'm not friends with...anymore.
