Every Saturday morning, I look forward to sleeping in,..sort of. My little nymph is now old enough to wander into my room, when she awakes, and snuggles in bed with me after her step dad has already left for work.
Then I'll plan our breakfast and think about all the cleaning I have to do or whatever events we have to attend once my fiance returns from work. Every other weekend I drive my daughter to her dad's for the night and half of that time, I can't be trusted with that kind of freedom. Mwahahaha...another story.
I think back to when I was single and childless, living in an apartment with my best guy friend, more like a brother, and what that life was like. There is one moment that will forever stick out to me because it was scary as hell. Not that I hadn't put myself in precarious situations before, but this one I had no part in. I just knew and still know that if I had reacted any differently, I don't know what would have happened to me, but most likely it would have been bad.
I parked in an underground ramp when I lived there. It was very convenient and worth the extra $40 a month. When I would pull into my spot, the door to the stairs and the apartments were practically behind my vehicle. At the top of the landing of the stairs you could find my door one door away. It was pretty awesome, especially for a lazy gal like myself.
Back in the garage, at the end opposite of where my vehicle sat, was the big door that cars would enter through and a small door for people to walk through right next to it. Not 10 feet from those doors was another red door that would take you to the extremely slow elevator. It was always much faster to take the stairs, unless you had your arms full. Then you would patiently wait the minute or two it would take for the elevator to get to you.
Even as convenient as my location was, sometimes I did not feel like hiking up the stairs...I told you I was lazy.
On this particular day, I pulled into my parking spot in my white buick rendezvous after work. It was winter and dark by the time I got home. Shortly after I shifted the transmission into park, the hairs on the back of my neck literally stood up. Something felt off and I was nervous immediately. I saw or heard no one when I entered.
I opened the door to my car and slowly climbed out looking around. I still saw nothing. I began to walk toward the steps, but before I reached the end of my vehicle. I saw them. Two men, roughly my age, that I had never seen before. They were in the ramp of the garage and looked lost. That seemed odd to me, as they shouldn't have been able to be there without having keyed access, so I made a quick decision to go toward the elevator. I wouldn't look rude or scared. I would just look like, that was my intention the whole time. (Just in case I was wrong about my suspicions about them) Until they started calling out to me.
It started with excuse mes and ended with "Is she fucking deaf?" Yeah I'm gonna turn around as a single 20 something girl in an enclosed garage to two men who are clearly following me and getting more and more agitated with me. That didn't seem like the smart thing to do.
As I got close to the door for the elevator I remembered how slow that it was and how even more trapped in much smaller quarters I would be. And even less exposed to help, should I have needed it. I then decided to go out the little "people" door by the garage car door. I hit the outside and trudged through the snow to get to the steps.
I fumbled with my keys before I even got to the door, so they would be in my hand and hopefully quickly get me into my building. I could still hear them behind me. My heart raced and it felt like all the blood had drained from my face. I managed to get the door opened quickly. I rushed through it and bolted inside the foyer, but I was still unsure if they were truly a threat or fellow residents. And I was still terrified. I was worried if I took the time to turn around and make the sure the door closed, that I would come face to face with them.
Once half way down the hall, I no longer knew if they were still following me, I just ran all the way to my apartment and burst into the room, upset and terrified, calling out to my roommate. I just had to say I was being followed and he was out the door, no questions asked.
He came back a minute later, having found no one. Maybe they just wanted help, maybe it was innocent, but something felt off before I even saw them, and I'm not for one minute regretful that I followed my instincts that day.
When I was getting ready to leave the complex permanently, I had brought this up as a complaint about feeling unsafe. They then proceeded to yell me at me for not telling them about this. As much as I could understand their point, I don't think shaming and scolding women that find themselves in these situations to be the best reaction, but it's in the past. And perhaps they and myself learned something. Next time I'll say something, but what if I was wrong? What if they had no ill intentions and I got them in trouble for nothing? And I didn't exactly know who they were anyway. True, their "cameras" recorded, but no one actively watched. I want them to help me in the middle of trouble, not solve my murder later.
And I'm glad for my less than exciting life (as it may seem to others) that I now lead. However, now I get to worry about things like this happening to my beautiful child. Grrr....
Ireland
My favorite trip
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Who in the hell are you calling crazy!!???
Do I tell more dating horror stories from the past, or do I move onto happier times...well that's not entertaining, is it? :) Dating horror stories it is!
Honestly, I'm trying to remember what life was like when I first became single. I thought it would be easy. In my mind, I did nothing wrong in my previous relationship. In my mind, he neglected me, criticized me, didn't love me for one reason or another. I'll never know the truth of what happened to us, I only know my version and I truly believed I was as awesome as everyone told me I was as his girlfriend. And therefore, this would be a snap to find another relationship, right?
Not having dated for eight years, well, you don't really know how to do it and there is a right way to date...apparently. Not that I knew that... You know, ways that don't make you look desperate or crazy. Who knew?
One thing I learned is, that if a woman is honest with how she feels in a positive way, she is desperate and crazy. If a woman tells a man how she feels that paints him in a negative light she is just crazy and psycho. Basically, what I learned from men while dating is that no matter what we women do, if men don't like it or don't understand it, then clearly, we are crazy.
They are never jerks or cold or wrong, we are just nuts. (I know, very unfair, because as women, we think you are all of those things when we don't hear what we like) Obviously, I think it works both ways. If someone is trying to introduce me to his family after the first date, I think he is nuts. Desperate nuts and I run for the hills. So I get it, but this story is written from my perspective on being thought of in those terms, so I'll write this how I see fit.
Anyhoo, I'm used to "relationship" texting. I send you a text and you respond, like a friend, a parent, or a boyfriend, timely. I didn't expect that there were rules when it's someone you're dating and you deliberately wait forever to answer a text or send one.
I didn't know there was dating etiquette on how to text. I was completely wet behind the dating ears. So after some online dating experiences that weren't great, I went to a wedding, and met a very attractive man, who I later would learn was very strange, but still very attractive. I could never have a conversation with this person. I don't believe he was dumb I just didn't get him. I didn't know if he was joking or serious or what, but he was definitely off and impossible to communicate with. Well verbally, anyway.
And of course, like many people do, we confuse that non verbal communication with love or feelings of any level. If I really looked back and evaluated what that experience meant to me, it truly meant nothing. I was completely and totally in lust with him, but he was not relationship material by any means. I'm truly grateful that I didn't end up with him.
But I was a different person then. I was lonely and confused and depressed. And I didn't even recognize it. I would text too much and I would expect too much and oddly, I didn't expect enough at the same time.
I expected too much from the wrong person, but set myself up for failure by not demanding better or more. Our first "date" (patterns baby, patterns) he couldn't afford to pay for the both of us...a place similar to Applebees..fuck, it might have been fucking Applebees...man I hate that place. I mean I love it (I really do), but it's a scene of a lot of failed dating in my past...
Anyway, off topic (nothing unusual). He couldn't pay for the both of us, but it's my fault. He definitely instigated a flirtation at the wedding, but I pursued it all the way. He couldn't have been that interested or invested. I don't know if he ever initiated dating before, but he certainly didn't with me. He treated me like nothing more than an object and I let him. I didn't even expect that he drive out to me. I drove an hour out to him. This was definitely not the finest hour in my life and I don't mean JUST that drive.
We got together a handful of times and every time I decked myself out and dressed up and drove out to him and not one time was he willing to do that for me. There was also a string of men at that time that (when they were ready to dump me) called themselves an asshole. One such day this guy said this to me. And of course, I got the "you're a crazy bitch" look when my response was, "I've learned that if you are going to say you are an asshole, then you are probably right, so I'll take your word for it. I'm sure you're an asshole." That was the last time we saw each other.
I still held on for awhile with flimsy excuses to text him or contact him. I even attempted to communicate with his brother because I was mad and wanted to hurt him. But mostly, I was very lost and not in a great place.
I was also embarrassed because he knew my cousin and I felt so dumb about the situation and my own behavior. I do think I learned something valuable from that experience, but like many other similar lessons I learned at that time...I didn't really learn them until a few years ago. Hindsight really is 20-20...
Honestly, I'm trying to remember what life was like when I first became single. I thought it would be easy. In my mind, I did nothing wrong in my previous relationship. In my mind, he neglected me, criticized me, didn't love me for one reason or another. I'll never know the truth of what happened to us, I only know my version and I truly believed I was as awesome as everyone told me I was as his girlfriend. And therefore, this would be a snap to find another relationship, right?
Not having dated for eight years, well, you don't really know how to do it and there is a right way to date...apparently. Not that I knew that... You know, ways that don't make you look desperate or crazy. Who knew?
One thing I learned is, that if a woman is honest with how she feels in a positive way, she is desperate and crazy. If a woman tells a man how she feels that paints him in a negative light she is just crazy and psycho. Basically, what I learned from men while dating is that no matter what we women do, if men don't like it or don't understand it, then clearly, we are crazy.
They are never jerks or cold or wrong, we are just nuts. (I know, very unfair, because as women, we think you are all of those things when we don't hear what we like) Obviously, I think it works both ways. If someone is trying to introduce me to his family after the first date, I think he is nuts. Desperate nuts and I run for the hills. So I get it, but this story is written from my perspective on being thought of in those terms, so I'll write this how I see fit.
Anyhoo, I'm used to "relationship" texting. I send you a text and you respond, like a friend, a parent, or a boyfriend, timely. I didn't expect that there were rules when it's someone you're dating and you deliberately wait forever to answer a text or send one.
I didn't know there was dating etiquette on how to text. I was completely wet behind the dating ears. So after some online dating experiences that weren't great, I went to a wedding, and met a very attractive man, who I later would learn was very strange, but still very attractive. I could never have a conversation with this person. I don't believe he was dumb I just didn't get him. I didn't know if he was joking or serious or what, but he was definitely off and impossible to communicate with. Well verbally, anyway.
And of course, like many people do, we confuse that non verbal communication with love or feelings of any level. If I really looked back and evaluated what that experience meant to me, it truly meant nothing. I was completely and totally in lust with him, but he was not relationship material by any means. I'm truly grateful that I didn't end up with him.
But I was a different person then. I was lonely and confused and depressed. And I didn't even recognize it. I would text too much and I would expect too much and oddly, I didn't expect enough at the same time.
I expected too much from the wrong person, but set myself up for failure by not demanding better or more. Our first "date" (patterns baby, patterns) he couldn't afford to pay for the both of us...a place similar to Applebees..fuck, it might have been fucking Applebees...man I hate that place. I mean I love it (I really do), but it's a scene of a lot of failed dating in my past...
Anyway, off topic (nothing unusual). He couldn't pay for the both of us, but it's my fault. He definitely instigated a flirtation at the wedding, but I pursued it all the way. He couldn't have been that interested or invested. I don't know if he ever initiated dating before, but he certainly didn't with me. He treated me like nothing more than an object and I let him. I didn't even expect that he drive out to me. I drove an hour out to him. This was definitely not the finest hour in my life and I don't mean JUST that drive.
We got together a handful of times and every time I decked myself out and dressed up and drove out to him and not one time was he willing to do that for me. There was also a string of men at that time that (when they were ready to dump me) called themselves an asshole. One such day this guy said this to me. And of course, I got the "you're a crazy bitch" look when my response was, "I've learned that if you are going to say you are an asshole, then you are probably right, so I'll take your word for it. I'm sure you're an asshole." That was the last time we saw each other.
I still held on for awhile with flimsy excuses to text him or contact him. I even attempted to communicate with his brother because I was mad and wanted to hurt him. But mostly, I was very lost and not in a great place.
I was also embarrassed because he knew my cousin and I felt so dumb about the situation and my own behavior. I do think I learned something valuable from that experience, but like many other similar lessons I learned at that time...I didn't really learn them until a few years ago. Hindsight really is 20-20...
Sunday, March 19, 2017
St. Patty's Day 2017 - Not My Drama
Another St. Patrick's Day, but yet this is not one that I have to worry about as far as drama on my part. This year, I went out for a big event and was not the person drama centered around. Honestly, it's been a few years since the drama was me, but still always happy to see it's not me.
It was a fabulous night to be honest. I went out with my bestie from in town here. I have one local and one from Arizona. This one is local. We went out with her husband and met up with a bunch of other people.
We started out at a bar that one of my friends likes to call, HQ. We met some interesting characters dressed up in green and likely had been drunk since parade time. So they were well ahead of most of us in alcohol consumption. There were, of course, those completely decked out in green. I chose to simply wear non green clothes and put in a pair of green earrings to avoid being pinched. (just in case someone wanted to pinch me). There were those that were just out to enjoy the night. Those that were sober cabs and those that were drunk passengers. My group fell somewhere in the middle.
After a few drinks at HQ, we headed down to the Legion for some karaoke. Conveniently, within walking distance. I'm getting buzzed up so I'm telling people that I know about my first book. I'm very excited about it, after all.
Around the third trip to the bathroom, a woman in the stall next to me calls over for toilet paper. She mentions the town she is from and coincidentally it's the same town my fiance is from. We begin talking and she states she knows him and she has heard of me. I'm pretty pumped. When she finds out more about how we met, she excitedly babbles that this how she and her new boyfriend met. Her boyfriend is local, hence, why she was in town.
We come out together and she introduces me and tells him that I had met my fiance the same way they met. I believe he was already drunk at this point and he looks put off that she was introducing him to someone or that she told him how they met. I'm not sure which it was, but he didn't look happy at all.
I move on. It was weird, but not show stopping. My friends sing karaoke and we have a couple of drinks and shots. It's a fun night. Near the end, as we are waiting for the shuttle I bump into this woman again. She is with another woman and she is ranting about her boyfriend. She sees me and sucks me into the conversation. Apparently, her boyfriend told her she was old and no one wanted her. It went on from there. He was texting other women, according to her. She wanted me to come with her so she could show me. I ask the woman she is with if they are together. Nope, this woman knew her as well as I did. Gulp!
I'm joined by a couple of my friends at this time. One of them knows this woman's boyfriend. As we go out into the smoking section two women are bent over his body on the ground. He fell and hit his head and was laying there, luckily awake. It takes two men to finally get him up and into the shuttle bus. We decide that we will wait til the next pick up so we aren't on the bus with them.
Then the elderly driver returns, but parks in a different location. He comes up to me and states it will be awhile. The happy couple is still inside the sober bus because the woman didn't know his address and he wasn't coherent. Ugh!
We have to go, there is no more waiting. She finally believes she knows the address and the driver loads up another batch of riders. Drunk jerk boyfriend is laying on the front seat and his girlfriend proceeds to tell us everything bad. She wanted to hurt herself because of things he said, so we had to talk her down. I think I might have said 20 times to break up with him.
I told her no guy should talk to you that way. She said he was great at first, and I said, and now he has shown you his true colors. Time to move on. According to her, he drank all the time on weekends and my friend that knew him, basically said that this wasn't uncommon behavior for him as far as drinking and treating his lady of the hour like crap.
It was a stark contrast to the first drunk guy we ran into at HQ. He was telling me and my bestie how hot we were and encouraging us to get with our men. It was pretty hysterical, but his desire was to send the women home feeling great about themselves, so he could help out the men in town. And we ended the night with a boyfriend who decided it was his job to make his girlfriend feel like the most worthless piece of garbage.
I'm so very thankful for the wonderful fiance I was lucky enough to find. Who makes me feel beautiful, sexy, smart, and desired everyday in every way. I don't think it's an easy thing to find. And I also think that when some people find it, they don't know they have it, and they let it go for the wrong reasons.
And I also learned why I don't get shit faced anymore.
It was a fabulous night to be honest. I went out with my bestie from in town here. I have one local and one from Arizona. This one is local. We went out with her husband and met up with a bunch of other people.
We started out at a bar that one of my friends likes to call, HQ. We met some interesting characters dressed up in green and likely had been drunk since parade time. So they were well ahead of most of us in alcohol consumption. There were, of course, those completely decked out in green. I chose to simply wear non green clothes and put in a pair of green earrings to avoid being pinched. (just in case someone wanted to pinch me). There were those that were just out to enjoy the night. Those that were sober cabs and those that were drunk passengers. My group fell somewhere in the middle.
After a few drinks at HQ, we headed down to the Legion for some karaoke. Conveniently, within walking distance. I'm getting buzzed up so I'm telling people that I know about my first book. I'm very excited about it, after all.
Around the third trip to the bathroom, a woman in the stall next to me calls over for toilet paper. She mentions the town she is from and coincidentally it's the same town my fiance is from. We begin talking and she states she knows him and she has heard of me. I'm pretty pumped. When she finds out more about how we met, she excitedly babbles that this how she and her new boyfriend met. Her boyfriend is local, hence, why she was in town.
We come out together and she introduces me and tells him that I had met my fiance the same way they met. I believe he was already drunk at this point and he looks put off that she was introducing him to someone or that she told him how they met. I'm not sure which it was, but he didn't look happy at all.
I move on. It was weird, but not show stopping. My friends sing karaoke and we have a couple of drinks and shots. It's a fun night. Near the end, as we are waiting for the shuttle I bump into this woman again. She is with another woman and she is ranting about her boyfriend. She sees me and sucks me into the conversation. Apparently, her boyfriend told her she was old and no one wanted her. It went on from there. He was texting other women, according to her. She wanted me to come with her so she could show me. I ask the woman she is with if they are together. Nope, this woman knew her as well as I did. Gulp!
I'm joined by a couple of my friends at this time. One of them knows this woman's boyfriend. As we go out into the smoking section two women are bent over his body on the ground. He fell and hit his head and was laying there, luckily awake. It takes two men to finally get him up and into the shuttle bus. We decide that we will wait til the next pick up so we aren't on the bus with them.
Then the elderly driver returns, but parks in a different location. He comes up to me and states it will be awhile. The happy couple is still inside the sober bus because the woman didn't know his address and he wasn't coherent. Ugh!
We have to go, there is no more waiting. She finally believes she knows the address and the driver loads up another batch of riders. Drunk jerk boyfriend is laying on the front seat and his girlfriend proceeds to tell us everything bad. She wanted to hurt herself because of things he said, so we had to talk her down. I think I might have said 20 times to break up with him.
I told her no guy should talk to you that way. She said he was great at first, and I said, and now he has shown you his true colors. Time to move on. According to her, he drank all the time on weekends and my friend that knew him, basically said that this wasn't uncommon behavior for him as far as drinking and treating his lady of the hour like crap.
It was a stark contrast to the first drunk guy we ran into at HQ. He was telling me and my bestie how hot we were and encouraging us to get with our men. It was pretty hysterical, but his desire was to send the women home feeling great about themselves, so he could help out the men in town. And we ended the night with a boyfriend who decided it was his job to make his girlfriend feel like the most worthless piece of garbage.
I'm so very thankful for the wonderful fiance I was lucky enough to find. Who makes me feel beautiful, sexy, smart, and desired everyday in every way. I don't think it's an easy thing to find. And I also think that when some people find it, they don't know they have it, and they let it go for the wrong reasons.
And I also learned why I don't get shit faced anymore.
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