Do I tell more dating horror stories from the past, or do I move onto happier times...well that's not entertaining, is it? :) Dating horror stories it is!
Honestly, I'm trying to remember what life was like when I first became single. I thought it would be easy. In my mind, I did nothing wrong in my previous relationship. In my mind, he neglected me, criticized me, didn't love me for one reason or another. I'll never know the truth of what happened to us, I only know my version and I truly believed I was as awesome as everyone told me I was as his girlfriend. And therefore, this would be a snap to find another relationship, right?
Not having dated for eight years, well, you don't really know how to do it and there is a right way to date...apparently. Not that I knew that... You know, ways that don't make you look desperate or crazy. Who knew?
One thing I learned is, that if a woman is honest with how she feels in a positive way, she is desperate and crazy. If a woman tells a man how she feels that paints him in a negative light she is just crazy and psycho. Basically, what I learned from men while dating is that no matter what we women do, if men don't like it or don't understand it, then clearly, we are crazy.
They are never jerks or cold or wrong, we are just nuts. (I know, very unfair, because as women, we think you are all of those things when we don't hear what we like) Obviously, I think it works both ways. If someone is trying to introduce me to his family after the first date, I think he is nuts. Desperate nuts and I run for the hills. So I get it, but this story is written from my perspective on being thought of in those terms, so I'll write this how I see fit.
Anyhoo, I'm used to "relationship" texting. I send you a text and you respond, like a friend, a parent, or a boyfriend, timely. I didn't expect that there were rules when it's someone you're dating and you deliberately wait forever to answer a text or send one.
I didn't know there was dating etiquette on how to text. I was completely wet behind the dating ears. So after some online dating experiences that weren't great, I went to a wedding, and met a very attractive man, who I later would learn was very strange, but still very attractive. I could never have a conversation with this person. I don't believe he was dumb I just didn't get him. I didn't know if he was joking or serious or what, but he was definitely off and impossible to communicate with. Well verbally, anyway.
And of course, like many people do, we confuse that non verbal communication with love or feelings of any level. If I really looked back and evaluated what that experience meant to me, it truly meant nothing. I was completely and totally in lust with him, but he was not relationship material by any means. I'm truly grateful that I didn't end up with him.
But I was a different person then. I was lonely and confused and depressed. And I didn't even recognize it. I would text too much and I would expect too much and oddly, I didn't expect enough at the same time.
I expected too much from the wrong person, but set myself up for failure by not demanding better or more. Our first "date" (patterns baby, patterns) he couldn't afford to pay for the both of us...a place similar to Applebees..fuck, it might have been fucking Applebees...man I hate that place. I mean I love it (I really do), but it's a scene of a lot of failed dating in my past...
Anyway, off topic (nothing unusual). He couldn't pay for the both of us, but it's my fault. He definitely instigated a flirtation at the wedding, but I pursued it all the way. He couldn't have been that interested or invested. I don't know if he ever initiated dating before, but he certainly didn't with me. He treated me like nothing more than an object and I let him. I didn't even expect that he drive out to me. I drove an hour out to him. This was definitely not the finest hour in my life and I don't mean JUST that drive.
We got together a handful of times and every time I decked myself out and dressed up and drove out to him and not one time was he willing to do that for me. There was also a string of men at that time that (when they were ready to dump me) called themselves an asshole. One such day this guy said this to me. And of course, I got the "you're a crazy bitch" look when my response was, "I've learned that if you are going to say you are an asshole, then you are probably right, so I'll take your word for it. I'm sure you're an asshole." That was the last time we saw each other.
I still held on for awhile with flimsy excuses to text him or contact him. I even attempted to communicate with his brother because I was mad and wanted to hurt him. But mostly, I was very lost and not in a great place.
I was also embarrassed because he knew my cousin and I felt so dumb about the situation and my own behavior. I do think I learned something valuable from that experience, but like many other similar lessons I learned at that time...I didn't really learn them until a few years ago. Hindsight really is 20-20...
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