Dating takes patience, sifting, and access to a background check...

Warning: online dating websites do NOT run background checks, so I highly recommend that those that are on said sites, run your own background checks and be prepared to then run (literally).  

Many sex offenders, regardless of broken rules, are on these sites. Maybe some of you have heard this story, but one such person I met, and dated, before he became a sex offender. Whew, dodged that bullet.

Not that it wasn’t an interesting experience to begin with. I should have realized what I was in for when we first met. This website requires that one of the two people talking to each other, pay in order for communication to happen. Unless you just want to lamely "wink" or "flirt" repeatedly.  What is the point of that anyway?  You can send a wink, but you are incapable of communicating more than that. Short conversation. It's the equivalent of "Hi" and that's all. No more can be said, without forking over some cash.

Anyhoo, Mr. Wonderful wasn’t paying for the membership on this particular website, I was. However, I wouldn't be able to know that because unless you both weren't paying, how would you know if it was your money that allowed you to communicate or theirs? 

This was pretty much par for the course as our “dating” relationship continued. Not only was he selfish with his money, but he was also selfish in…well you know.

Of course, I am a glutton for punishment or equally as desperate as the fire fighter. There are so many moments where I should have been done with him. 

The time he brought me fast food for dinner (the only time he paid) and by the time he got to my apartment he ate almost all of my fries...WTF, Dude?

The time I made dinner for his brother, roommate, and him with kitchen utensils that weren’t designed for anything beyond mac and cheese. And while I did that, he was texting other girls.  His brother was pissed off at him, as was his roommate. They yelled for him to pay attention to me and get off his phone (I realized it was girls later, obviously).  He just smirked and continued. He truly believed he was a skilled player.  Doesn't count when the girl is dumb...hello me at 30.  

Then there was the fact that most of our dates consisted of the constant watching of The Hangover and Hot Tub Time Machine…over and over and over.  We couldn’t ever go anywhere because he never had money and if we did, I had to pay.

On weekends when he would get paid, he would head up north to some night club.  This is where I began to see pictures of some girl he was hanging out with up there, on his Facebook. Maybe were were a perfect match cause he clearly was as stupid as me.

But this man was no catch. Crappy job, boring unless he was drinking, selfish, self-absorbed, rude and not that attractive, or bright.  He wasn’t unattractive, but he wasn’t a ladies man.  His brother, on the other hand was, and I think he aspired to be his like brother. But the part he didn't realize, his brother did treat the women well when he was with them. This guy thought he just had to show up.  (Insert eye roll here) 

When I finally decided to walk away?  Well, besides being tired of always paying, it was when I saw a picture of him and that girl from up north in what appeared to be a bed.  They were laying down, taking a selfie.  I basically dumped him on the phone, but he wanted to get together to "talk".  I said we can talk, but I wanted to go out and we weren't dating, that I wasn't changing my mind about. I was tired of sitting in the basement watching lame movies.  So he said he had coupons for a local pizza place.  Huh? I thought. He was gonna pay?  That was new.  (I know what you are thinking…don’t beat me to the punchline.)

Before we leave, we discuss the girl in the bed and he is trying to make moves on me.  Yuck!  Then he actually had the balls to say to me that the girl and him were laying in the bed because they were sleepy and nothing was going on. I just laughed and said, "Really?  Do I look that fucking dumb to you?"  He laughed because he knew he was caught. Of course, when I think about what I had already put up with, maybe it's fair if he thought I was that dumb.

We go out for food and we have a couple beers. We are having a great time and actually, great conversation.  I’m feeling generous, so I offer to pay for the beer.  He doesn’t respond with more than an unenthusiastic, "okay".  

We are getting ready to leave and we walk up to the register. I notice he makes no move to reach for his wallet, other than to grab the coupons from his pocket. "Okay, I can pay half the tab," I offer.  That is when I’m realize, before he even says it, he doesn’t have any money, at all. 

Such an asshole…and I mean me.  I start laughing, and said, when he gave me this I feel bad look, "Oh no, this is completely my fault.  I’ll pay.” And that was the last time we "dated", not saw each other, just dated. Though I don't fully count that as a date, I can't lie, had he paid that date I might have given him another chance. Based on what I'm about to tell you, I'm glad he stayed classy and only brought his coupons.

We would bump into each other every so often or he would reach out to me when things didn’t go well with another girl…I’m guessing.  His job situation never improved nor did his maturity. For some reason, and to this day I still have no idea what made me do this, I went online and did a background check on him.  Maybe it’s because I discovered the site and was inputting every guy I had ever dated, you know, just to see.  And that is when I see it.  A couple years after we had last dated, he was out there for some kind of sexual deviant charge.  Something regarding a minor who was mentally impaired.  I’m guessing drunk. It didn't sound like actual sex had occurred, but I don't know how to interpret those court documents.

He received 10 years on the registry and fines and probably had to check in with some kind of probation officer for the whole 10 years.

I then start to go back out to another free dating website, where I happened to get lucky and meet my wonderful fiancé.  But before I met him, I was on there and saw a tiny little picture at the top of my screen (where they show you a bunch of men or women, depending on your preference, that are currently online). I could swear it was him, but I chose to ignore it and hope he didn’t see me if it was him.  Literally, two minutes later he is texting my phone.  (I really should have changed my number). So, we start texting and of course, I’m an ass, I ask him, "What's new?  Anything new and exciting happening in your life?  No?  Are you sure???"  Liar Liar…let me introduce you to a fire fighter…he’ll help with those hot pants you surely are sporting.

That was the last I had spoken to him.  A year after that, I did another search, out of curiosity.  He was put in jail for a year.  Sounds like he lied about his charges…to who, I don’t know, but it landed him in jail.  I’m guessing it was regarding online dating and lying during some type of probation officer requested lie detector test, which may not be admissible in court, but it can definitely land your ass in jail when you're on probation.  At least I have been informed by another man that found me on a dating website, who also was a sex offender.  Sadly, (the ones I know about) there were three. Only two out of the three admitted to it and only one right away. So, watch out folks, as you might have guessed, people lie. 

You think it would have scared me away from online dating, but I think about those people that meet in bar, weddings, or etc. No profile to review or other pictures to look at and kind of see where they have been. You almost know less when you randomly meet someone in person versus online.

Sure the guy online can lie, but just as easily as the guy in the bar can too. And I have seen them do it several times...just as much as they do it online.

There was guy that tried to tell my friends and I that his wife had died and he was at the bar all alone. It was his first time out in ten years. But he had screwed up and told us that his wife had left behind two children with him. She died ten years prior, but somehow they had a five and seven year old...huh? And then when the bar closed, out of nowhere some guy popped up and asked this "lone wolf" if he was ready to go. See, even in person, they lie with ease and they tell whoppers of stories.